I’ve been thinking a lot lately about Thailand and moving there. It was always a dream of mine to go to South East Asia and I have accomplished that goal and now the dream has changed to moving there. Currently I’m still in the assessment and research phase of that dream. Although I’m in that phase I already know the outcome, I guess I’m trying to come to terms with a major change in my life and how that will affect the people I love.

Blogging about Thailand is helping me put things in perspective and helping me come to terms with how I really want to live this life I’ve been given. I’m not a religious person by any means, my brother and I often joke whenever we are in a church for a wedding or funeral that we have to get out fast before the ceiling crashes in on us. Even so I believe that life is a gift that shouldn’t be wasted…and I feel I’ve wasted a lot of it.

I have a great family and thats the one thing that has been making this decision so hard. Everything else in my life as it is right now I can do without. None of it makes me feel alive, only makes me feel like I’m existing and thats not enough. I’ve bought into the American dream for a little bit and it’s not quite what it’s cracked up to be. The only thing that really has ever mattered to me is my family.

So with these thoughts I’ve been wandering around and searching for answers and by accident I stumbled upon a video that made me Pause. The video is a lecture at Carnegie Melon by a professor there named Randy Pausch . To be more exact it is his last lecture, you see, he only has a few months left to live. The video isn’t about his cancer or his family or even about how he feels. The lecture is about achieving your childhood dreams and helping others achieve their dreams. It didn’t sound real interesting to me either but I was bored so I started to watch it. Take an hour out of your life and watch it and see how it makes you feel.