Well, I guess I’m finally getting somewhere with this. You know more about my past than I like and I have yet to tell you about my present or future. Once you get through all the various cliché’s, and you do have to get through those cliché’s when you are in a Thai/Falang relationship, you begin to realize that it’s not much different than any other relationship.

Sure, there is the language barrier but most people in similar relationships will tell you what I’m about to tell you…thats easy. Especially when you both have at least a small grasp of each others language and a willingness to learn. The cultural aspect of my relationship with Pookie has been more of a learning curve, not because I don’t want to learn or am resistant to change, but basically because  I grew up in the west and I have forty some odd years of seeing things one way. So, sometimes I shake my head in wonder about certain things but I am quick to realize that these things are important to Pookie so I do my best to go with the flow. Likewise, Pookie does her best to understand my western background and even understands that every great now and then I need a peanut butter and jelly sandwich…she likes the strawberry preserves but the jury is still out on the peanut butter.

That’s about the way of any relationship though isn’t it? You learn what makes the other person tick, their likes and dislikes. You bring aspects of their life into yours and they do the same. You learn together about each other and sometimes you have to over look the fact that Grandma spit her chaw out the window and it landed on your shoulder…It’s not like she was aiming…I hope.

Probably the biggest consideration in my relationship with Pookie is her family. Thai’s are very family and community orientated which is hard for some Falangs to understand. We love our families in the west but as soon as we are of age we want our freedom, our alone time, our privacy. Thai’s on the other hand do everything they can to remain with their family and family is everything in Thailand.

Pookie’s family goes out of their way to make me feel at home when I am in the village. They always want me to have the best chair, bed, portion of food…I politely decline a lot of the time because I don’t want or like the special attention but sometimes I have to swallow hard and accept things because the family would lose face if I didn’t. I’ve gotten pretty good at realizing when those times are though. Although they treat me very well, and usually send me home with armloads of gifts for my family, I still get the sense that they believe me to be rich…at least the Aunts, Uncles and grandparents do.

Another of the family, a sister on the fathers side, has a Falang husband who apparently buys everything for the family and of course the rest of the family wonder why Pookie’s Falang doesn’t do the same. Like I said earlier I made it very clear in the beginning that I’m not rich but I do what I can to help the family out when they need help, and there is nothing I wouldn’t do for Pookie’s little one Fa.  I take the whole family out for Thai BBQ as well. They get all dressed up and there is much face in it for everyone. I get off lightly at roughly $35 for the whole evening and it’s nice to spend the time with her family.

There are some other aspects of this relationship that are difficult to get used to though. Spending any deal of time up country means certain rules are in effect. You don’t hold hands or kiss in public and being the man I haven’t once received the check when out for lunch or dinner, the woman gets the check…but the man still pays. Although it’s trying at times I have to smile because I know it’s trying for Pookie as well. More than a few times I’ve felt her hand slip into mine or have had her turn and give me a kiss only to look around to see if she got caught doing it.

I guess the last aspect of this relationship we have, and another one for the book of cliché’s,  is the age difference. There is an 18 year difference in our ages she being 25 and me being 43. I didn’t go looking for a younger woman and I’m pretty sure she wasn’t looking for an older man, although in Asian societies older men are seen as more stable. It really wouldn’t have mattered to me if she was 18 years my senior, it was never about age and I think there may be another reason for this as well.

I don’t feel like my American self when I am in Thailand, I feel like I’m a better version of me who is more free and susceptible to life and all it has to offer. I’m an explorer who is happy to keep the exploration going without any obvious goal in site, always peeking around the next corner with anticipation like a child looking for Santa on Christmas eve. Pookie doesn’t know the American me, the me that works too much, worries too much, has gotten lost in the remnants of the American dream and I hope she never meets that me because he’s not the me that is full of hope and wonder when he kisses her.  Some may call that a mid life crisis…I’d call it an awakening.

This may not have been a well rounded or full explanation on my experience with the Thai/Falang relationship but thats only because it’s an ongoing tale that hopefully will take a long time to tell.