Thailand Land of Smiles» Thailand Humor

Keeping Score in Thailand

Talen — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 16:54:10 +0000

It’s not usually easy to tell who is who politically or otherwise in most countries, luckily in Thailand there is an obscure law that demands people show themselves for who they really are. Red shirts, yellow shirts, green shirts and more all signify a different faction that you should familiarize yourself with before traveling to the Kingdom. The below descriptions should give you a head start on figuring out the color coded fashions of Thailand.

The yellow shirt used to be a simple matter because every day of the week has a color associated with it. Yellow is the color for Monday and Monday happens to be the day that the King was born on. You would always see Thai’s wearing yellow on Mondays to honor their beloved King but that was before the People’s Alliance for Democracy (PAD) took over the color as their battle flag against the red shirts, the Thai Rak Thai party who became the PPP, The PPP and anything Thaksin.

Most notable accomplishment: 2006 coup that ousted Prime Minister Thaksin.

Natural Habitat: airports, government buildings and wherever the red shirts are.

Now the Yellow shirt is seen as more as the fashion statement of the Bangkok Elite.

What about the KIng? Please refer to Pink Shirt.

The red shirt is the battle flag of The United Front for Democracy against Dictatorship (UDD). They are comprised of Thailand’s rural poor who support ousted Prime Minister Thaksin Shinawatra. Thaksin rose to power by courting the rural Thai’s and promising many changes to make their lives better.

As Prime Minister Thaksin made good on those promises while using his power to line his own pockets through many corrupt business deals. Ousted in the 2006 coup, Thaksin has been gathering his army of red shirts to protest the new government and help him come back to Thailand with immunity from prosecution.

Natural Habitat: government buildings, hotel conference centers and wherever som tam is being served.

The red shirts love the king but can’t wear yellow or they might be thought of as PAD supporters when they are really Thaksin supporters.

Green shirts are the new yellow shirts . The People’s Alliance for Democracy who were once a movement to defeat Thaksin have decided that now they want to be a political party and everyone knows that when you start a new political party you need a new shirt color. So now green is the new yellow but red shirts still won’t wear yellow because the green shirts used to wear yellow and the red shirts don’t want to be seen as supporting the yellow shirts even though now they are the green shirts.

There is also the hope that by changing colors from yellow to green that people might forget that the yellow shirts shut down the airport and generally have been a pain in the ass since the coup.

What about the poor King , can he go back to being yellow shirt again? Please refer to Pink shirts.

The Blue shirts first came on the scene when the Yellow shirts took over the airport in Bangkok. The Yellow shirts blockaded the airport to protest the Peoples Power Party (PPP) who was the old Thai Rak Thai Party that Thaksin Shinawatra was the leader of. It wasn’t enough they ousted the prime minister they then wanted to disband his party even though his party was disbanded by the government only to reform as the PPP that the Yellow shirts wanted disbanded.

The Yellow shirts succeeded in removing the PPP but not before pissing off the Blue Shirts who represented the working man and the nations utilities. By closing down the airports they not only put a hurting on tourism but on the the Blue shirts pocketbooks.

The Blue Shirts have no love for the Red Shirts either after the Red Shirts invaded the ASEAN Summit in Pattaya by breaking down the doors to the conference and generally scaring the shit out of more than a few world leaders. The blue shirts engaged the Red Shirts with all manner of sticks and bats and generally had the approval of Thailand’s military who didn’t stop them because everyone knows the military is on the Yellow Shirts side, probably even more so now that they are green.

The Pink Shirt came into being in 2007 when the King was hospitalized. Royal astrologers came to the conclusion that Pink was a good color for the Kings health. When the King left the hospital in November of 2007 he was indeed wearing a Pink Shirt and a Pink jacket which started a mad rush throughout Thailand for Pink Shirts in honor of the King.

The King who normally wore darker colored suits has since been seen wearing a whole range of colors which led to speculation that there would also be a run on Green and Blue Shirts but unfortunately those colors have been taken. Now Thai’s like to wear Pink Shirts to wish the King good luck and good health. Some still wear yellow shirts but generally they don’t want to be associated with the PAD movement who also doesn’t want to be associated with itself and that’s why they are now Green Shirts.

Long live the King and may no one steal his color again!

The Light Blue – Blue Shirt is the color for Friday in Thailand which is also the Queens day of birth. Wearing a Blue shirt usually signifies respect for the Queen. You will still see many Thai’s wearing Blue on Friday for the Queen and it is usually a light blue. Thankfully no one has stolen the Queens color but I have a feeling that eventually the PAD will take blue because as we all know, by combining yellow and green you wind up with blue so it makes sense that the once yellow shirts that are now green shirts will someday be blue shirts by washing of said yellow shirts and green shirts together.

You’ll have no doubt noticed that I sometimes capitalized the shirt colors and sometimes did not. Being as I intend on returning to Thailand in the near future I wanted to assure I have given due respect or disrespect to the various colors so I can lie my ass off if cornered.

Here are a few more shirts to be on the look out for when in Thailand…while generally harmless they are always good for a laugh.

Newbies first trip to Pattaya. Easily recognizable, you will have no doubt you are dealing with a first timer to Pattaya. If you are said first timer remember this shirt and buy it immediately upon arriving in Pattaya and make sure you wear it your first night in town so everyone knows you are new to the town. When the vacation is over and you go home make sure to wear this shirt every weekend so people will ask you all about Pattaya.

Newbies second trip to Pattaya. Not wanting to be seen as a newb by wearing the newbies first trip to Pattaya t-shirt the newbie will purchase the Same Same shirt to signify his second trip to the Land of Smiles. Some newbies make the newbie mistake of buying this shirt their first trip but this is generally looked down upon by the older newbies and should not be done. Make sure to buy this shirt during your first visit to the market during your second trip to Pattaya. Yes, there are other places besides bars and hotel rooms in Pattaya.

This shirt is pretty self explanatory. Usually bought as a joke referring to how Thai women in the entertainment industry see the foreign men that come to court them. Sadly this is typically worn by a newbie who thinks by making light of being a walking ATM won’t make him look like a walking ATM but all the girls already know he is a walking ATM because there is an invisible tattoo on his forehead that was put there when leaving his brains at the immigration line at the airport which clearly states ” Walking ATM”.

Typically worn by the newbie that went to Bangkok first for a few days but then wears it in Pattaya as to not look like a newbie. Usually buys the ATM shirt soon after. When he gets home he will wear this shirt as often as possible hoping that you will ask him if he has been to Bangkok.

At this point you will be assailed by a man on a mission who is very similar to street corner evangelists. They both will tell you that you are going to hell but the Newbie Bangkok shirt wearer will generally be able to describe it better with visual aids, directions and phone numbers if needed.

This shirt is worn by the jaded expat who can’t be bothered to say Mai ow, krup anymore. He sits in one of the many beer bars in the kingdom and gets hassled every 10 minutes by someone selling, dvd’s, pictures, pictures with snakes, roses, watches, suit sellers, stun gun marketers and generally every Thai working in the tourist industry that saw him wearing the newbie t-shirts in his earlier years of traveling the Kingdom.

The Thai word for foreigner is Farang or Falang. Typically anyone wearing this shirt wants to make sure that there is no confusion on the part of the local Thai’s as to the fact that he isn’t a Thai himself. He is also telling the local Thai’s that he would like to pay even more than the regular Falang price which is already twice the Thai price.

Last, but most definitely not least, is the t-shirt worn by the guy who wants you to know that he is absolutely not gay…he just happens to like other men who look like women but still have their willies attached. Besides it’s not gay if they have big breasts and you don’t touch the twig and berries…well, not too gay anyway.

While this article may have contained some factual evidence for the colors of shirts in Thailand for the most part this was a tongue and cheek look at an incredibly twisted color code that influences daily events in the Kingdom. No offense was meant to anyone, especially the Pattaya newbies considering we were all one once and I happened to be the one wearing the Bangkok shirt

A Thai Superstition is Born…Again

Talen — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 21:39:25 +0000

Thanks to two well made Japanese horror movies and the intricacies of the Thai superstitious mind I found out that everyone in Thailand could die this week, no, really.

So, I get phone call the other night from a Thai number but it’s not my girls number, I suspect her battery is dead and she is using her Aunt’s phone. I call the number back about 10 minutes later because I was in the middle of something but no one answers. I try the number a few more times but again it just rings. Curious, I then proceeded to call Pookie’s number and it rings as well, I try again but this time I let it ring as long as possible and finally a timid voice on the other end answers with a whisper, ” Hi teelac, how are you”.

With a small laugh I whisper back that I am fine and ask why she is whispering and why no one is answering the phone, the following conversation ensued:

Me: Teelac I see phone call I think from Aunt’s phone, I call back but no one answer?

Her: ohh she cannot answer, she die.

Me: ???Teelac, your Aunt die?

Her: No, but if she answer her phone she die in 7 days.

Me: ???

Her: yeah Teelac hab big pompem in Thailand, you cannot answer phone, you die, but can answer someone else’s phone.

Me: ( wondering if I should state the obvious) Teelac…you answer your phone when I call.

Her: (Momentary silence)I think okay teelac…I wait long time to answer so I think they not think I answer phone.

Me: Teelac, who are they?

Her: I don’t know teelac.

Me: Teelac, you remember movie we watch from Japan where people die after phone call?

Her: Yeah, yeah teelac, same thing .

Me: Teelac only a movie.

Her: yes, but now real many people Thailand hab pompem. We go to see Buddha today and take phones to get blessing.

Your guess is as good as mine as to how this one cropped up. I suspect the Japanese horror movies “The Ring” and “One Missed Call” are making the rounds again and some smart ass started telling people they shouldn’t answer their phones. Those Japanese make some damn good horror flicks.

Apparently all is well now that the phones have been to the temple and blessed, which makes me wonder if it isn’t a Buddhist conspiracy to get more worshipers back to the temples.

Either way if you make a call to Thailand and no one answers please be considerate and wait a while before you call back so no one dies.

Funny Thai Signs

Talen — Wed, 20 Jan 2010 00:54:59 +0000

We’ve all seen them, the bad translations to English or the very serious ones that always seem to come out lighter than expected. I have a small collections of funny Thai signs from my travels around Thailand and some I’ve had sent to me but now I’m looking for more. So, if you have run across a funny Thai sign and happen to have your camera handy, take a picture and send it in and I’ll make sure to give you credit and a link back if you happen to have a blog or web site.

Here’s a few funny Thai signs to get you started with a link to more in the gallery. Funny Thai Signs gallery.

I Learned to Speak Thai Fluently & You Can Too

Talen — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 04:26:24 +0000

I guess I should qualify such a bold statement before Catherine from Women Learning Thai or Rikker from Thai 101, who are much more knowledgable on the subject, come along and call me out. I do speak fluent Thai but it’s a dialect of the Thai language that most Thai language speakers, teachers, and learners are unfamiliar with.

To begin with there are quite a few possibilities when speaking Thai. There is colloquial Thai, street Thai and then the further you get into rural Thailand you will have Thai mixed with Lao or Khmer, better known as Issan Thai. In Mukdahan and Nakhon Phanom it’s always a mix of Thai and Lao in the same sentence which can make it hard when learning Thai. But, I have finally hit on a little known and used dialect of the Thai language used by a certain tribe that numbers in the Thousands. Not only do they understand me completely when I speak this Thai…they have accepted me as one of their own!

I have to give credit where credit is due and to that end I must confess I have been tutored by a private teacher for months. Her name is Fa Thongon and she happens to have a PHD in the subject language. The particular Thai dialect she is an expert in is High Gibberish Thai . It may be important to note at this point that Fa is only 3 years old but don’t let that put you off as she will be four soon enough.

While Fa knows a little Thai and a few words in English, her prefered linguistic approach is always in High Gibberish Thai. We had a very long phone conversation about this particular dialect of the language last night, and while I could clue you in to the subtle nuances of the language I’m afraid most of you just wouldn’t understand and would be at a loss to figure it out. In Fa’s short time studying the language she has truly mastered it, and helped me to master it as well.

In this particular dialect of the Thai language the speaker isn’t forced to rely on tones or pronunciations, they actually tend to complicate the process. No, this Thai language is more of a free form flow of thoughts and ideas punctuated with giggles and hand gestures. Often times short screeches can be substituted for actual words and oddly enough every conversation starts off in English with Hello, hello, hello.

The language itself is mostly used in informal settings but can be used at any time. Unfortunately the language is limited to Thai children which makes it unuseable in most day to day situations, unless you are a baby sitter.

For now though I am content that I can communicate with my little Thai friend because it is something I enjoy immensely. I have my work cut out for me though because eventually she will be a fluent Thai speaker and I don’t want to miss our little talks.

Me and the Boys in Brown

Talen — Thu, 04 Jun 2009 20:26:58 +0000

I usually try to stay out of trouble when in Thailand, blend in and become as Thai as possible. Unfortunately the Thai’s around me seem to sense this and do whatever they can to draw the attention of the Thai police!

This past trip I had two memorable experiences with the boys in brown that could have come straight out of a Benny Hill skit. My first experience happened on the way to Damnoen Saduak floating market. The taxi driver picked me up at the appointed time and we were making very good time due to very little traffic, that should have been the first sign.

About 40 kilometers from our destination, and as soon as I thought this was going too smooth, we came upon a Thai police checkpoint. There was no question in my mind that we wouldn’t get pulled over and of course I was right. As the taxi driver spoke to 3 police officers and handed them all of his papers I reasoned that he would be getting at least two fines. One fine for having a passenger and not using the meter and another for speeding. I was correct on both points.

Normally that would be the end of the story and we would be on our way, but this is Thailand and I was involved so it’s never that easy. No, easy would have been the taxi driver getting back in and us driving away, the taxi driver had other plans. You see, when we pulled over we parked in the mud along the highway so when the taxi driver took off a little too anxiously he shot mud 20 feet backwards against another drivers van who had been pulled over and over two very pissed off policemen. After another 15 minutes of brow beating by the police, an old man peddling by recounting what he saw and a few more fines we were back on our way.

The second incident happened on the last day of Songkran when we were heading back to Mukdahan from Nakhon Phanome after the sun had gone down. Naturally we came upon another police checkpoint but surely this would be a no brainer as my girl was driving, no one was drinking and the stars were aligned…Wrong!

The first inkling I had that this would be a problem is when my girl said “uh-oh”. The last time I heard her say that was two days earlier when we were approaching a police checkpoint in That Phanome, little brother was driving and he apparently no longer has a license due to a drinking and driving arrest. We averted the law that time with a very quick turn off to a side street and a change of drivers. This time the uh-oh was because my girls license expired the day before…uh-oh!

After much animated talking between the police officer and my girl a compromise was reached and the police officer walked away. A few moments later the officer returned with a very drunk old man and more animated talking ensued to which the old Thai man just nodded and burped. The next thing I knew the old man was in the back of the truck and we were back on our way.

Confused? I was too, especially when I heard the explanation. Apparently on the last day of Songkran many police checkpoints were rewarding good drivers by handing out free iced drinks and this was one of those checkpoints. Of course while rewarding the drivers with a nice cool drink they are checking to see if they have the proper papers and also to see if they had been drinking.

Being the good Thai that my girl is she immediately confessed to having an expired license before the police officer even asked for it. Not that it mattered because the police officer didn’t care and wouldn’t have cared if she was wanted for armed robbery, because he had a problem of his own. You see, the old man the police officer pawned off on us had apparently walked into his checkpoint a few hours before our arrival and was pestering the hell out of the police. They couldn’t take him home because he didn’t know where he lived and he couldn’t walk. We didn’t get a free drink…we got a free drunk!

Problem solved…for the police officer anyway. We spent the next two hours trying to find the old mans home. The next day I made sure someone got her license renewed.

Bangkok in the Morning

Talen — Sat, 30 May 2009 21:13:53 +0000

For most people Bangkok is one of those cities that you either love or hate. There is usually very little in between. The smog, traffic congestion and the noise are usually the first culprits if you dislike Bangkok.

I’m one of those inbetweeners. I love Bangkok for a week or so but then I have to get away from it. Coming from a long line of people watchers Bangkok offers the most varied display of people and sights you can imagine. One of my favorite things to do in Bangkok is wake up early and just walk through the city taking pictures. It’s a very peaceful thing for me and I guess it’s as close to zen as I’ll likely ever get.

I usually start about 6am before rush hour gets going, you would be amazed at how quiet this city can be at that time with very few people about. And then rush hour and all the people heading to work, hailing taxis, stopping for breakfast and setting up shop for the day.

Bangkok is really a different city in the morning than it is at night. Some people might find this kind of everyday life photography boring but it really interests me. Wandering the city finding the right places to shoot, which for me is every street corner and walk bridge. At this time of the morning I usually can snap pictures unnoticed because people are in their own world thinking about the day ahead. You get to capture people in their element not posing with wide grins on their face. Sometimes I feel like a sniper waiting for the right shot of a person or building I’ve seen.

I feel like I get to know a little more about the people and the city this way. Quietly observing the morning rituals and documenting them in my own way. Don’t get me wrong, I’m an amateur photographer at best and a lot of the pictures that I think will be groundbreaking turn out to be much less so than I hoped, but I do occasionally see a great shot and it turns out better than I expected. Anyway I spent a few mornings doing this on my last trip and I thought I’d share the outcome with you. Many more pictures can be found in the Gallery: Bangkok in the Morning.

Thai Girls and Their Cell Phones

Talen — Fri, 13 Mar 2009 02:36:27 +0000

If you ever see a Thai girl of any age without a cell phone walk away fast because there is definitely something wrong with her. Well, that or she is my Thai girl and has imploded, exploded, depth charged or otherwise decimated yet another phone.

When we first met she had an old hand me down phone that had seen better days. The numbers were worn of the key pads and the screen had a large crack in it making it hard to see anything. Knowing her birthday was coming up I bought her a brand spankin new Nokia N97, she was overwhelmed with joy to say the least and decided her first purchase would be a protective plastic case for the phone so she wouldn’t as much as get a scratch on it. It only lasted 2 months.

One day I get a phone call from her but I could barely hear her and it sounded like she was under water…She was! “Teelac” I asked, ” why does the phone sound so bad?” and her answer? “Teelac I call you from shower…no pompem have plastic cover good for water”. Needless to say the phone call died out just after that sentence. She called me later to say that plastic case not good to protect phone from water.

So, being the nice guy I am I packed up my Thai cell phone in a a small care package I was getting ready to send. Phone #2 lasted about 4 months. My cell phone had some Thai music downloaded to it and she would let her Daughter, all of 2 years old, run around the house holding the phone while listening to the music. Phone #2 met it’s demise against a cinder block wall. Apparently not able to contain her happiness of hearing the same song for the 100th time she decided to see if the phone would bounce…it didn’t.

Phone #3 met it’s fate when the family rooster broke out of it’s pen and wandered into the house at 5am and started crowing. My girl threw the T.V. remote at it to shut it up. She realized when she woke up that her aim was true as there were some rooster feathers scattered around what was left of her phone not the T.V. remote.

So far phone #4 has out lasted the first 3, but it’s only a matter of time…

Thai Students Selling Sex Via Internet

Talen — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 21:59:58 +0000

Where to begin? So, the Culture Minister of Thailand is concerned about Thai college students using social networking web sites to advertise themselves for sale with suggestive messages and pictures. The Culture Minister is so concerned that he has asked the Education Ministry and the Communication Technology Ministry as well as internet providers and police to keep an eye on this “recent trend”.

Some in Thailand’s upper echelon are blaming this trend on the downturn of the global economy while others are putting the blame on declining social values. It’s believed that these students aren’t poor but just want money to buy things…go figure.

So, to recap, women in Thailand are selling sex and using technology to do so. I just can’t believe it. Maybe if the Thai Cultural Minister took his blinders off he would have realized that this has been going on for decades and that over 300,000 Thais are involved in the sex industry in Thailand. I’m betting he already knows this, but because the vast majority of Thais involved in the sex trade are from rural Thailand, are poor and uneducated, he just doesn’t care.

It seems the only time the sex industry becomes a problem in Thailand is when upper class educated Thais get involved. My guess is that this becomes an embarrassment to the upper class and that just won’t do.

Maybe the Thai Cultural Minister can address the Thai on Thai racism and classism that takes place between the rural poor and the Bangkok elite. Maybe if there were equal opportunities in areas such as education and employment the Thai Cultural Minister might be more concerned about all Thais in the sex trade. As it stands now it is only a problem because it involves the elite and their embarrassment over the issue. I wonder if the Cultural Minister realizes how the rest of the world perceives Thailand…I wonder if that would embarrass him?

Mike over at My Thai Friend made some pretty good observations as well in his post Sex and University Students-Thailand.

More Funny Thai Commercials

Talen — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 17:16:39 +0000

Another round of great commercials from Thailand. See if you can figure out whats upset the baby in the second commercial…it shouldn’t be too hard if you’ve been around here for a while.

Another Classic Thai Commercial

Talen — Wed, 22 Oct 2008 04:03:44 +0000

Thailand Land of Smiles» Thailand Humor

Keeping Score in Thailand

Related Articles of Interest:

A Thai Superstition is Born…Again

Related Articles of Interest:

Funny Thai Signs

Related Articles of Interest:

I Learned to Speak Thai Fluently & You Can Too

Related Articles of Interest:

Me and the Boys in Brown

Related Articles of Interest:

Bangkok in the Morning

Related Articles of Interest:

Thai Girls and Their Cell Phones

Related Articles of Interest:

Thai Students Selling Sex Via Internet

Related Articles of Interest:

More Funny Thai Commercials

Related Articles of Interest:

Another Classic Thai Commercial

Related Articles of Interest: