Your average Asian woman is a delicate flower,  with delicate features that compliment her usually delicate frame. Small hands, small feet, small ears and almost always small breasts. Thai women, being Asian,  are no different in this regard and the biggest thing you’re most likely to ever notice on a Thai woman is her smile.

As with most women if you talk to a Thai woman long enough you’ll find she isn’t happy or satisfied with certain of her body features. Where her Western counterpart wants darker skin, perkier breasts,  smaller bodies and bigger eyes and lips the Thai woman wants lighter skin, smaller noses, thinner lips and larger breasts…much larger breasts.

Like most men who travel to Asia, I am attracted to Asian women and have been ever since I can remember. Their small delicate features definitely play a part in that attraction I suppose and I don’t have a problem with small breasts, as a matter of fact I prefer small breasts. I’ve never seen the attraction of large breasts but then again I’ve always been more of an ass man,  so what do I know.

Large breasts will make any woman stand out in a crowd but large breasts on a Thai woman, or ladyboy for that matter,  is definitely something quite hard to dismiss. Being with a Thai woman I don’t get smacked for looking, more often than not it is something that is pointed out to me by my Thai girl that has an unhealthy fascination with large breasts.

In just about every situation that I have been with Thai women and a surgically enhanced model enters the room I always hear the same thing, ” Oh look, isn’t she beautiful”, “She has big milk, very lovely” or something else in the same vein of adulation for the big breasted girl who just toppled over into the room. In more than a few of those cases I wondered just how in the hell a woman that tiny with huge breasts was defying physics and not constantly falling flat on her face boobs.

More often than not these surgically enhanced creatures have a falang boyfriend or husband who also like big breasts and more than a few work or have worked in the night life industry and see large breasts as merely a business expense that will help better their bottom line. Either way some one has shelled out 50-80 thousand baht for a new set of knockers and usually everyone involved in the silicone transaction is more than satisfied with the results.

I was surprised my first trip up country to see quite a few Thai women with enhanced front ends, although I shouldn’t have been. It still bothers me though, I mean, you wouldn’t change the Mona Lisa by painting a bigger smile on her…would you? I may be in the minority on this issue but I feel like there really needs to be a Save the Small Breast Foundation set up somewhere to educate Thai women on their natural beauty.

Of course this rant comes on the heels of a conversation I had with my girl the other night regarding said silicone seductiveness that has been, once again,  brought to my attention. You see, she has many old school friends that she grew up with that have  ended up in falang relationships and almost half of them have had breast implants in the past 2 years. Invariably when another friend shows up in Nakhon Phanom or Mukdahan I get the phone call and the following conversation takes place.

Pookie: Hi Teelac, how are you? I have something to ask you.

Me: Good Teelac, what is it you want to ask?

Pookie: Teelac, I want big milk…you can do?

Me: Yes Teelac, I can do…do you need a gallon or will a half gallon be okay?

Pookie: Teelac! You know I mean big nom. My friend come today and she get…very beautiful Teelac I want to be beautiful too.

Me: Teelac you are already beautiful and I love your small nom.

Pookie: But Teelac I will look much better and clothes will look very very good on me.

Me: Teelac you don’t need and besides big nom cost 50 thousand baht easy,  then you need all new bra and shirts.

Pookie: Yes Teelac, new clothes make me look more beautiful. You can do?

Me: Okay Teelac I’ll tell you what…I’ll buy one big nom and if everything works out ok we can talk about the second one in a year or so.

Pookie: Teelac!!! One no good! …need two.

Me: We’re negotiating Teelac. You like large nom and I like small nom. This way we are both happy.

Pookie: grrrrrr

Me: You should have that cold looked at Teelac, you sound a lil horse…

And the conversation is put away for another rainy day when the next friend comes back to town sporting a  brand new set of silicone breasts that will mesmerize all the village girls into seeing a more seductive silicone future.

Related Articles of Interest:

• Views of Issan From the Bus
• What is Issan?
• Rice Paddy Fishing, the Sport of Peasants
• You Haven’t Seen “The Real Thailand”
• The Reality of Rural Thailand

I love rural Thailand and all it has to offer, from the laid back atmosphere to the kind smiles of  it’s friendly people, everything seems to mesh. That being said there are a few aspects of rural Thailand that scare the hell out of me.

For the most part you won’t be seeing too many western toilets while in rural Thailand, sure the better hotels will have them but if you are visiting the family farm , well, you better be in a squatting frame of mind.

I’ve gotten used  to the morning manual showers which consist of a bucket and a big pot of cold water. I’ve even gotten used to using the squat toilet, although if any Thai ever saw me using it they would wonder just what the hell I’m doing, after they finished laughing.

The hongnam itself is an upgrade to the basic outhouse. Four concrete walls with a slanted metal roof that is more of an open air design. A pump brings running water into a tap used to fill the various pots and trashcans. One big clay jar to shower from, a smaller clay jar to flush from and various other jars and cans for washing of clothes and other secrets I have yet to uncover.

Going to the bathroom in the village is a little more involved than waking up and stumbling in. It becomes a ritual of sorts. A process where you begin with one action and move on to the next. it’s all very easy to get used to even if the morning shower is just a wee bit colder than I normally like.

What I haven’t gotten used to is the morning audience that attends these rituals. It’s nothing to look around and find a large lizard or 3 hanging about on the walls or a large hairy spider hanging out on the ceiling. At least they make themselves known. It’s the unknown that I fear, and for good reason.

After a little thought, not like there is anything else to do while squatting,  you realize that if they can get in then it’s not to much of a stretch to get a snake in the loo too. Of course that is not the proper mindset to have and not something you want to be thinking about with your ass end hanging over the porcelain pit.

Last week I realized just why I should fear the unknown. I called my girl as I usually do and when she answered we had the following conversation:

Me: Hi teelac how are you?

Teelac: Not good teelac I have problem again.

Me:  What wrong Teelac?

Teelac: I live in hospital again.

Me: Why?!?!? What happened?

Teelac: I go hongnam teelac and saanake bite me.

Me: Teelac you ok? What doctor say: Big snake? Little snake? Poisonous?

Teelac: Doctor say I have to stay tonight so they can look me. Have big where snake bite me but it get small now.

Me: Where did you get bite?

Teelac: I not know how to say in englit.

Me: Your ass?

Teelac:  No! not in doot.

Teelac: I get bite on hand but not hand.

Me: Ah you got bit on finger?

Teelac: Yes teelac finnnger…I think next time have bite on top ( breasts )  I need big there

She spent the night in the hospital. Not knowing what kind of snake bit her they didn’t want to take any chances and wanted to keep an eye on her. Fortunately she is fine. As for me, I think the person that came up with ” when in Rome” should be shot. From now on I’ll be well armed before using the hongnam…or I’ll be buying diapers.

Related Articles of Interest:

• Useful Thai Phrases Part 1
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I received an e-mail recently asking  what Issan was because I had referenced it in more than a few posts over the life of the blog. The simple answer is that Issan is the Northeast area of Thailand bordered by Laos and the Mekong in the North and East, Cambodia in the Southeast, the Pratchinburi mountains in the South and Phetchabun mountain range to the North and Central plains. The word Issan comes from the Sanskrit language meaning Northeast.

The harder answer is just why the Northeast region of Thailand is called Issan. You will find many arguments across the internet about royal Lao, Khmer, Chinese, Mon and Thai bloodlines that will leave you even more confused than when you started. The simple version is that a long time ago before Thailand ( Siam ) existed many people inhabited this region from Laos and Cambodia and their descendants are still there to this day.

The Issan region of Thailand can be seen almost as another country in and of itself. The primary language of Issan is Issan,  which is a combination of Lao and Khmer dialects using the Thai alphabet. The dialect will change depending where you are in Issan. Along the border areas of Laos and the along the Mekong the dialect will be heavily Lao influenced whereas the further you get South and into the central areas the dialect will still be primarily Lao but with more Khmer thrown in. In Nakhon Phanom I hear a lot of Lao and Thai mixed together while in Mukdahan you get Lao, Thai and a little Khmer for good measure.

Just as the language is distinguishably different from the rest of Thailand the food also takes on a different taste and that is definitely of Lao heritage. You’ll hear many people claim that Issan food is just a regional Thai cuisine…I would bet they don’t say such things out loud while in Issan. While many Issan dishes have filtered down throughout Thailand with its people the dishes themselves can never be categorized as Traditional Thai food. While Thai food can be very spicy, Issan food redefines spicy. The food is generally more salty, spicy  and sour. You won’t find many sweet dishes here.

Issan has gone through periods of Thaianization since the early days of the last century but the area has largely remained true to it’s conglomerate heritage. Although there have been times when the powers that be have strived to make Issan more Thai they still recognized the region by officially naming it Issan early on in the 20th century.

All this and I have still only scratched the surface of what Issan truly is. My hope is to add more to this topic in the future with the knowledge I learn first hand travelling throughout Issan and spending a great deal of time in areas such as Mukdahan and Nakhon Phanom.

Related Articles of Interest:

• Views of Issan From the Bus
• You Haven’t Seen “The Real Thailand”
• Thailand Blogs Part 5: Expats
• Funny Thai Signs
• A Trip to Issan