You Don’t Make Plans In Thailand

Do Not Make the Cucumbers-funny Thai signs

Thailand makes plans for you. Well, at least it does in my case. This past weekend for example, I was all set to spend a long weekend in Chiang Mai checking out the Flower Festival and meeting up with friends. Hotel was booked, the flight purchased and the bags were packed and yet Chiang Mai eluded me.

The plan started out perfectly, I even decided to stay in the night before because I had a 6:30 am taxi booked but then the phone rang and that was the beginning of the end for me. My friend Nit called me at 6pm on Thursday evening after she got off work and wanted to know if I would like to have dinner with her…of course I would, what could dinner hurt and besides I was already packed and ready to go.

So, Nit and I head to one of my favorite small Thai restaurants and have a wonderful meal and some great conversation. Before too long dinner is over and we say our goodbyes and I head back to the condo, at this rate I should be in bed by 11pm and getting a good nights sleep and that’s exactly what happened.

Around about 2 am all hell broke loose and Lucifer himself came to claim my soul, it started slowly enough with a minor rumbling here and there and before I knew it  I was in the bathroom erupting from both ends…Mount Vesuvius had nothing on me.

I haven’t been this sick in over 2 decades. I literally lived in the bathroom for the next 6 hours missing my taxi, my flight and most certainly Chiang Mai. Looks like I have to find a new favorite Thai restaurant too! Seems it was the Hoy Lai ( stir fried Mussels in Chili sauce ) from the night before that did me in. It was the only dish that Nit didn’t eat and I did.

That’s how fast plans can change in Thailand but luckily I have adapted a laid back approach to such changes, I truly believe everything happens for a reason and maybe I was supposed to stay in Pattaya this weekend anyway.

Turns out I was half right. Friday was spent being nursed back to some semblance of humanity by my friend Nit.

Nit is a sweetie, she works her ass off 7 days a week in a laundry up the street from me and has the most infectious smile you have ever seen…we are just friends mind you but I do admit that I love being seen around town with her but not for the obvious reasons. Nit is 27 years old and cute as a button but to look at her you would think she is 12 at best, she even comes complete with braces. You should see the looks I get!

Saturday was much of the same but then Sunday there came a knock on my door and I think the reason Thailand changed my plans…

Meet my new bestest friend Danny, he’s the son a of a another good friend Neung.


Neung was hoping she could bring Danny by to use the swimming pool at the condo and I suggested we all go to Jomtien park and spend the day playing in the water and enjoying all the fun stuff there.

Danny, Ning and Neung Danny getting anxious Danny making friends

Danny is a little cutie and stuck by my side all day, he didn’t much care for the water but played a bit and kept pointing to the big water slide. After a while I got the hint that he wanted to see me go down the slide so I did. Another adage comes to mind at this point ” no good deed goes unpunished“.

Jomtien Water Slide Jomtien Water Slide Jomtien Water Slide

Note picture 3 if you will. That my friends is the proper way to disembark a water slide. I say this because it may have been many years since you have been on one like it was for me, you tend to forget the little nuances after 30 years or so. Apparently the knee is only supposed to go in two directions and if you don’t pull up your feet at the end of the slide…well, lets just say other directions are possible yet painful.

As I sit here nursing my right knee with some torn ligaments I think to myself  ” it could be worse” and it could be, I tore most of the ligaments in my left knee. Hobbling around isn’t so bad but I’m now wondering just how my weekend would have ended up if I had just stayed in Thursday night.

PS. In case you’re wondering just what the hell the opening photo has to do with this story, nothing. My buddy Joe who is in Chiang Rai at the moment sent this to me a few days ago asking me what I thought it was about. Other than the obvious male reflex response I’m clueless, he’s clueless and every Thai I have shown this to is clueless as well. Take this as a warning…Do Not Make the Cucumbers!

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17 Comment(s)

  1. Talen, there are several foods I don’t eat in Thailand. Mussels, raw fish of any kind…

    Sorry to hear that your Chiang Mai weekend didn’t happen. I was so looking forward to hearing all about it (as were others).

    Anyway, is your stomach fully recovered?

    Catherine | Feb 6, 2011 | Reply

  2. Cat, the stomach is almost back to normal but my knees are wrecked! Only me…But wrecked knees or not we have a date at the end of the month!

    Talen | Feb 6, 2011 | Reply

  3. Suggestion – only eat white foods the day before :-D

    Catherine | Feb 6, 2011 | Reply

  4. Hi Talen, 6 hours in a bathroom doesn’t sound fun, but you seemed to have bounced back. It is nice having somebody to nurse us back to health though.

    Paul Garrigan | Feb 7, 2011 | Reply

  5. Talen, hope you are better. My erstwhile partner says the sign says(in Thai)don’t GIVE cucumbers……possibly to animals….depends where the shot was taken.

    Maybe it would make them have an upset stomach ;-)

    Mike | Feb 7, 2011 | Reply

  6. Talen, sorry to hear about your run of bad luck! An offending mussel put me in the bathroom for 12 hours or so, about 30 years ago…I couldn’t eat them for many years to come.

    The festival was…well, very flowery and worth the visit. There’s always next year.

    Snap | Feb 7, 2011 | Reply

  7. Oh Talen.

    It sounds like it just wasn’t in the cards for you to have traveled. Good lord, imagine what would have happened if you came up to CM!

    Rest up! Old fart. . .

    Lani | Feb 7, 2011 | Reply

  8. “Rest up! Old fart. . .”

    Hah! Lani, I needed that. I’m having a particularly crappy day myself – it’s a coding headache, not a bottom fling – and seriously needed the laugh.

    Catherine | Feb 7, 2011 | Reply

  9. Talen you’re in the right city to have a stomach upset. Pattaya has a pharmacy every second step. I’m lucky (touchwood), my stomach is as tough as old boots and can take all manner of things, though I don’t go mad on seafood too often.

    Look on the bright side, you’d have probably got hay fever in Chiang Mai.

    Martyn | Feb 8, 2011 | Reply

  10. Martyn, true…amny pharmacies but very hard to get to when you are in the grips of the disease :) If my luck would have been the same in CM then I think I would have probably been hit by a bus .

    Talen | Feb 8, 2011 | Reply

  11. Paul, it really is nice to have someone nurse you back to health….in Thailand many people will help you out when you are down which is another great thing about the country.

    Talen | Feb 8, 2011 | Reply

  12. Thanks Mike, definitely feeling better but still hobbling round as it were. Not sure where the shot was taken and it could mean GIVE but unfortunately the Thai word hai can have several meanings from give to make and without context it’s kinda hard to know.

    Talen | Feb 8, 2011 | Reply

  13. Snap, there is always next year but I’m hoping to be up your way well before then.

    Talen | Feb 8, 2011 | Reply

  14. Lani…Old Fart? If my knees weren’t wrecked I’d kick you :P If I would have made it to Chiang Mai I probably would have been run over by a flower float!

    Talen | Feb 8, 2011 | Reply

  15. Cat, don’t encourage her :P made me laugh too :)

    Talen | Feb 8, 2011 | Reply

  16. Hahaha, no sympathy from me, leaving me high and dry in Chiang Mai with my non-drinking friend. Have to admit CM was beautiful although packed with farangs. I’ll be going back to CM after smog season.
    I’ll be in BKK when you visit. Looking forward to it.

    Siam Rick | Feb 9, 2011 | Reply

  17. Thailand MAKES PLANS FOR YOU. Then again, so does the rest of the world, it’s just more pronounced in “The Land of Smiles.”

    Miller Williams | Apr 1, 2011 | Reply

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